Binge and Purge ----- The Closet!

I have learned a bad pattern/ habit I have that contributes to my past "yo-yo" weight.  I have the habit of keeping the "fat" clothes and then getting back into them.  NOT THIS TIME!!!  I usually keep the bigger clothes for a few reasons: I spent good money on them, they are comfy - especially since they are loose and baggy and/or they are fashionable/ look good.

Truth be told, loose baggy clothes don't look that good and if something is fashionable, it should be worn properly including fit properly.  So, I just debunked the last excuse.

Now, comfort. Who can argue with comfort? But if they are comfortable because they are loose and baggy then somewhere in my mind it makes me feel good that you've lost the weight that made them that way. Since my mind is now all proud of me for losing weight, I think "Hey, I've worked hard to lose this weight, I deserve a cheat/treat" and I eat that late night dessert or order that yummy cheeseburger and french fries. Then the next day the clothes are still baggy because one cheat/treat won't change my weight loss. But then my mind is like "Hey, I ate it yesterday and my clothes still feel the same. I can do it again.... today"  That's where the pattern starts. Then before I know it, the "fat" clothes are fitted :(.  So, as I lose the weight, I will be getting rid of the "fat" aka too big clothes and getting comfortable but fitting smaller clothes.

Now, money.  No one wants to throw money away. And new clothes does mean spending more money so it's a double hit to the budget. First of all, I may have spent good money on the clothes. If I never wear them again, it doesn't matter because its like they are not in my closet anyway. If I spent good money on an item and I really want to keep it then I must really want to wear it. I can't wear it loose and baggy because I'll get back into it so I have to have it altered to fit properly or toss it.

Bottom line, my closet is binging and purging.  Better that my closet does it than me. I've tried weight loss that way and I still ended up overweight. I'm doing right this time so I will keep it off.

FYI - because I know I will also shrink out of the size I am currently wearing, I am sticking to the least expensive fitted clothes I can find.  I don't mean fitted like a glove, not only would that be unattractive on my current physique, it would have to be a stretchy material that will grow if I grow and that's not good (see 3rd paragraph). I mean clothes that fit nicely but don't have room for me to grow in. Thrift stores, friends, Ross, Marshal's, TJMaxx, Wal-mart, Target, Clearance racks, etc are where I'm shopping right now.  If I need something really nice for an event or occasion or just to feel good, I will spend good money and make sure it's something that can be altered down as I size down.

I am basically a poor college student. I have a full time job that I am technically underpaid at but I love my job and my boss is flexible enough if I want to take days to do a commercial or short film project.* Plus it allows me to further my college eduction. Between the cost of the education, the cost of living in Los Angeles, and the lack of high income I need to find a sugar-daddy or a sponsor. LOL.  Until the budget changes, inexpensive shopping spree, here I come!




*For those that don't know, I have had a career as a full-time makeup artist in the film industry for over 15 years. I recently decided to follow another life calling that requires me to further my education, therefore, I now do makeup more part time and nanny/ personal assist full time so I can go to school.

Smaller Jeans!!!!

Yes! I have gone down a total of 2.5 jean sizes since the beginning of this project.  How does one calculate a .5 jean size.  Well, as you all are probably aware, clothing manufacturers each make different sizes but put the same size label in their clothing.  For instance, Levis jeans in a size 18 are a bit smaller than Sonoma (Kohl's) jeans that come in a size 18.  It's actually very difficult to determine just how many sizes a person gains or loses in a given period of time because I have a pair of pants that say size 12 that I can wear just as easily as I am wearing my size 18.  So when a person says how many sizes they lost it's difficult to know if that's really how many sizes they lost.  A friend of mine wore Gap jeans in a size 6 and without changing her size at all, a year and a half later she wore a size 2 Gap jean. It tends to be more prevalent in women's clothing because we don't go by waist inches in getting our pants. And, lets face it, we will buy a pair of jeans that have a size smaller label in them just because we were able to get into that size. Manufacturers know this and trick us into buying their clothes.
So, my beginning jeans were Lee size 24 and they were tight on me.  A Lee size 20 is a little big but a Lee size 18 is still a little small on me.  Therefore, I have found a pair of Sonoma jeans that fit right, say they are an 18 but I know I'm still not quite an 18 so by my quirky math, I have lost 2.5 sizes  since the beginning of this journey.
Thank you for your love and encouragement.  I'm more motivated to get into a proper 18 soon.

Struggles and Victories

Happy 2013!!!!!!!!

My sincerest apologies for not keeping up with the blog/vlog.  The holidays were crazy busy, as usual, and the new year was kicked off with a major cold that turned into something worse.  All said and done, I am 90% better and ready to continue my journey.
I went back to the gym for the first time in a couple of weeks and since my last composition, I've lost 3.5 more pounds of fat!  I did my best to eat while I was sick so that I wouldn't starve my body and have the residual effects from that.  I am back to eating on a regular basis today and fingers crossed, I will continue to drop fat and progress toward my goal.

One month from today I have a birthday and I hope to be 15 pounds lighter.  Today I weighed in at 258 and my size 22 jeans are quite loose on me.  By my birthday i hope to be in my size 18 jeans and I will have broken the 250 barrier.

This process is very slow and my illnesses have set me back quite a bit.  I struggle daily. I don't want to work out anymore and I don't want to eat every 3 hours. I don't want to cook all the time. I don't want to eat tons and tons of lean protein and green vegetables. I want to sleep. I want to lay in bed in the mornings and enjoy the warmth of my flannel sheets. I want to eat my meals out and have someone else fix them and not worry about what is being put in the food to make it taste extra yummy.  I want to eat hamburgers, crunchy tacos, speghetti and meatballs, pecan pie a la mode and fresh baked goodies.
On the flip side, I want to wear skinny jeans. I want to shop in normal department stores and wear fashionable clothes. I want to participate in outdoor activities and extreme sports. I want to be able to keep up with a day full of chasing young children and still have energy to think and do adult things after they go to bed.
So....... I have to decide if the burgers and fries are worth the trade for skinny jeans. Are the fresh baked goodies worth not having the energy to be a mom, professional, and wife? Is laying in bed enjoying the comfort of flannel sheets worth it, if I'm laying there all alone dreaming of the life I want or do I get out of bed and work toward the life I dream about?
Today, I chose the later. I plan to make the same choice tomorrow but I won't know until tomorrow comes.
Wish me luck and keep cheering me on  - I need the help.
Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Inches!!!!

Yes, Inches!!! Size DOES Matter ......  for some things.

This week the progress I made was in inches! We did circumference measurements 2 weeks ago and checked up on them this week.  There was no difference in neck, chest, upper arm or calf :(
There was, however, differences in forearm, waist, hips and thigh.
In 2 weeks I got rid of ........
1 inch off forearm
1 inch off waist
1/2 inch off hips
1 inch off thigh ...... for a grand total of
3.5 inches off my body circumference!

That's a huge deal in just 2 weeks AND I ate what I wanted for Thanksgiving and even cheated throughout the weekend (the trainers are not happy about that).

Another learning this week, if you cheat all weekend long (especially a 4 day weekend) it's sooooo much harder to get back on the wagon. I've struggled all week and have noticed a difference in my the way my health feels, my body aches, and I don't have much energy.
One "cheat meal" is okay.  A weekend of bad food choices, and I pay for it.

I am happy to know that I now take up 3.5 inches less of my personal space :)

Have a great weekend and do as I say, not as I did and eat clean - you'll feel better if you do.

Thanksgiving

What a wonderful time of year.  Friends and family gather and reflect on all that they are thankful for. There are lots of hugs, laughs and of course food.  This year I spent Thanksgiving in Los Angeles all weekend.  I had a invites to a few different homes and spent the evening with one of my best friends and her family.  It was lovely. She is a fantastic cook and her family is so warm and wonderful that anytime spent in her home is treasured.
Since I did not do my usual Thanksgiving trek to Arizona, I decided that I had to make one of the pies that I would have had if I had been with the Fullerton family - Dark Chocolate Pecan Pie.  This pie is not on any meal plan, much less a plan designed to lose fat. But, hey, it's Thanksgiving and part of Thanksgiving is to feast and be thankful for the bounty. This pie is a bounty of calories and I'm glad I got to have some and share the rest with everyone else.  Another bonus to going to another home for the feast :)
I knew that I would over indulge on the bounty, after all Linda is an amazing cook, and so I stuck to the meal plan earlier in the day and reserved some of the calories for the feast.  When dinner was served, it was buffet style so there would be room for everyone at the table without having to juggle large dishes of food.  This is my dinner plate:

Mostly romaine salad, a couple of bites of stuffing and potatoes and a medium slice of turkey breast with one homemade roll.  I am the kind of person that will eat my weight in homemade rolls, especially on Thanksgiving.  I did have a second roll during dinner and I was done.  I chose to eat the salad first and since the 'roughage' was filling, I didn't feel the need to eat much more.  Yay!!!

[Note to self, eat a large amount of salad before the rest of any feast and you will have no need to be rolled away from the table like usual.]

On to dessert!  I did not taste the pie I made as I made it so I had to have some of it. I also LOVE pumpkin and HAD to have a piece of pumpkin pie so I cut small pieces of each:

The family dog got a big bite of the pumpkin pie - little stinker - and this is how much of the rest I ate:

On any other day of my life, I would have finished the dessert and had seconds. And that would be after eating my weight in rolls, potatoes and stuffing.  I blame the coaches and trainers at ABS Club LA! They have ruined me, at least the old me, and turned me into a more health conscious person.  In just 3.5 weeks I have lost 10 pounds (7 of which is fat) AND altered my feasting habits. Thank you to everyone that is supporting me and encouraging me.
This is a very hard transformation. I did 'cheat' a few times throughout the weekend. Mostly because I didn't plan ahead and didn't have good snacks and meals on hand when I was hungry.  I'm still learning and this is a lifestyle change not a temporary fad.  I'm so thankful to everyone for their support. I'm really trying not to let you down.
Just a note to leave you with.
It is tradition of the family I joined for Thanksgiving feast to pass around a bucket filled with slips of paper. Everyone takes their own slip and reads the question then shares their answer with the family.  Here is mine:

The recent passing of a young friend of mine has greatly increased my gratitude for the love, support, hugs, kisses and plethora of friends and family that I have. Not everyone in this world has even one good friend or relative they can call and I have many. Thank you for that.

What is something that happened this year that increased your gratitude?

"Bad Hair Day"

When I was in college and feeling sad, lonely, frustrated, or any other negative emotion, I'd call my mom.  She got many of these phone calls my Freshman year and quickly deemed them "bad hair days". Many many years later, we still call our low days, "bad hair days". Today is a bad hair day for me.  I was notified yesterday of the passing of a young friend of mine.  She was a wonderful person and so very sweet. It saddens me that she has left this world for a better one and yet I am happy for her that she is in a better world.
Hearing of her passing has triggered many emotions beyond the sadness of her departure. She, like I, was a single woman who carried extra weight and was hopeful of finding a life companion. I'm sad that she didn't find that person while here on Earth and I as reflect on that, it creates some angst about my own situation. I worry that my weight could cause serious mental and physical heath issues that may keep me from living to a very old age. My weight already keeps me from living the active life I desire, I don't want it to keep me from living all together. These are feelings that I have reflected on constantly since hearing of my dear friend.
This week in general has not been such a great week in my journey. I have continued to exercise daily, eat properly and get as much sleep as possible. I also feel like I'm not doing enough, yet when faced with the challenge of doing more, I really don't want to. Like I said, it's a "bad hair day". I just have to muddle through and pray that it gets better. I'm so glad that I have people around me that love me and support me on this journey. It's "bad hair days", like this, that I lean on them for their support.
I want to throw in the towel but because the world knows what I weigh, it makes it that much harder to stop the progress.
Thank you for your love and support.

Update - Week 2

I must first apologize for my lack of diligence with the blog.  I am missing the tech gene and Erin is busy enjoying her husband being home from deployment (yay Mr. and Mrs. Schurtz).
I have made up for it in my diligence with the program and my journey to getting rid of 100 pounds of fat in one year. More videos will be posted as soon as I get my tech gene turned on :)
This is not an easy journey, by any means. I have struggled. I have argued with my coaches, gave them the evil eye (if looks could kill), even punched one (by accident) a few times during our training sessions.
I had a particularly bad time last week. Along with the stress and frustration of getting a 400 page book read and a report done in 3 days, I had to endure mother nature AND the election.  All of the stress and frustration was getting to me and I really wanted to have something comforting to eat (aka chocolate). I didn't have the coaches put chocolate in my meal plan because I can go with out and usually deal just fine.  NOT last week! I called and after a passionate discussion with one of the coaches, I enjoyed a trick-or-treat size kit-kat dipped in peanut butter :)
I had my cheat meal last weekend and planned to go hydro biking for my cardio on Sat. Due to weather, hyde-biking was cancelled and truth be told, I did not do anything to make up for my cardio.
Today's weigh-in/ analysis had my only dropping 2 pounds of fat. That extra 30 minutes of cardio probably would have put me at 2.5 like I was the week before.  Now I have learned.
So far, I have dropped from 274.8 to 267.2 in two weeks.  7.6 pounds total. 3 pounds was water and 4.6 pounds of fat.
Here's looking at another week of fat dropping workouts and meal plans.
Recipes and videos to come soon.